Wow! My last blog was two days before my husband’s surgery and I thought things were tough up to that point!  Boy, was I in for it! The next day we went to a regularly scheduled doctor’s appointment with an infectious disease doctor and Chuck was checked into the hospital by day’s end to await surgery the next morning at 8am sharp!  At the time we were in the middle of remodeling our home and I had begun to take on the brunt of the work because Chuck had gotten so sick. He had incision and drain of infections in BOTH big toes due to complications from diabetes.  So, he was in the hospital from Tuesday until Friday.  After that he came home with IV antibiotics for 8 weeks and was under orders to stay off his feet—a very frustrating thing to do!  Thankfully, God was there and provided for us through our local church which provided meals and even some babysitters so I could continue to work on the house! For the first two weeks, I added nurse to my list of daily duties as I was the one who would mix and set up the antibiotics for him to receive through his picc line at home until we figured out how to put on an extension for him to take care of it himself! This came at just the right time because not only had my son started Kindergarten the week after Chuck’s surgery, but my oldest daughter had to have an immediate tonsillectomy because she’d developed sleep apnea!  So we went from one hospital to another! But again, God blessed us! Charli’s tonsillectomy not only went smoothly, but she recovered quickly and got immediate relief from her sleep apnea! She was a much more healthy, happy child following the surgery—an inconvenient but good decision!  Now that two of my four charges were on the mend, Brennen was adjusting well to school and Charli was also successfully enrolled in dance class, I turned my attention more fully to the house! I became intimately acquainted with the likes of my sander, my 3 different types of saws, a nail gun, even special ordered an un-heard of scraper attachment for my reciprocating saw!  I talked lumber!  I measured, cut, hung, and floated sheetrock! I textured walls in the bathroom! I managed the demolition processes and back up to the re-grouting processes! Now, before you go thinking I’m a total superwoman…well I’ll let you entertain that for a moment (ha!)…I did get some help! I had a multitude of advice and some hands-on help from my father and friend who are both contractors, a friend in the lumber business, an uncle and another friend who are carpenters as well as some general labor help from some folks at church and a wonderful, master finisher named Mr. Hull! Finally, after many hours of long hard work and a pair of pants covered in caulk, paint, blood, and sweat, the house was finished on September 27^th, at 730 pm! At that point I proceeded directly into the clean up and packing process and the movers came on Saturday, October 3^rd! We’ve now been here in our lovely new home for a little more than a week! Chuck is free from IV’s but still on oral antibiotics and is still awaiting final x-rays and release from his doctors.  Everyone is adjusting and I’m finally able to nap again despite many unpacked boxes! Yay!

Yes, I wanted to catch you all up in what’s been going on in our lives, but I also wanted to share more about what I learned during this very empowering phase of my life! I’ve had folks say to me at one time or another ,“how do you do it all?,” “I’d have been on the floor in the fetal position by the 3^rd day of this stress!” and “you’ve had more than your hands full!”  All of this may be true, but for the grace of God! If there was any doubt that Jesus is real (and there wasn’t, by the way), there certainly wasn’t now! There is absolutely NO WAY I could have done any of what I’ve done without Him! I’m not talking about a mere feeling that God is watching over me, I’m talking a down, in-the-trenches kind of experience.  You see there was no one able to take care of me during this time and I was too busy taking care of everyone and everything else! I had NO CHOICE but to rely on an unseen God and to trust in the scriptures that I’d memorized! This brought me to a dependence that wasn’t just day to day or week to week, but literally moment to moment! I remember times when I was so tired from working in the heat of the day (the air conditioner was out) that my vision was blurred and my stomach ached from hunger but I knew if I stopped working for any reason before my allotted time, I would never finish! I had to keep plugging at it or I would have given up and we would never have gotten it finished—it was THAT overwhelming! There was so much work to be done and I was the only one who could do some of it or oversee it’s being done! I had to force myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other! There was one day that I was working on peeling up old, moldy, 40 year old tile off the floor and I was angry at the situation! I was struggling with my own emotions and hearing a voice in my head egging it on saying “you don’t need to be doing this! Why are you in this situation? This means no one loves you! Look at all you do and it doesn’t matter! No one’s gonna take care of you but you, so you just need to get up and walk away from all this! Let them deal with themselves!”  Can you believe that??!!! I was fuming not only about the situation but that now I was being attacked with these thoughts!!!! So I fought back! Every time one of those thoughts came to my mind, I first tried ignoring it. Then when it got harder, I spoke back to it with scriptures that I could remember. When that only made it harder, I prayed! When that didn’t ease it up, I started yelling about what I knew to be true—this is what made the difference! I don’t believe it was the volume but rather WHAT I was saying! I would say things out loud about what I believed about the character of Jesus.  Things like “I AM pursued and loved and cared for by the King of the universe! Jesus loved me with a love so deep that it moved Him out of heaven and onto a cross and even if I’d been the only person on earth at the time, he’d still have done it! Just for me!!!”  The reason I believe this worked was not because I said it, but as I did I made a choice to believe it with all my heart! I CHOSE not to be angry! I CHOSE to believe that Jesus is and can do all that says he is and can do! I CHOSE! In those moments, I’d get a peace that might last about 60 seconds, but that peace would give me strength for the next 3 minute attack and then I’d get another minute’s reprieve.  After a few of those, I could string together an hour of peace, then a day, then a week! There were times in the hardest moments when I’d have to come home and have brain power and physical strength to cook meals, bathe, and play with my children! I was absolutely wiped out, but I would often have periods of giddiness that I knew could only come from being sustained supernaturally! Unbelievable! I’d actually laugh out loud with excitement for NO reason! If I didn’t know any better I’d say I had cracked! But I did know better, because I’d been in the trenches and continued in them for several months! Denying myself sleep or a meal here and there was much easier than the exercise of calling up the TRUTH and believing it—trusting in it totally! But ultimately, what sustained me wasn’t sleep or food, but Jesus! Pure and simple!

I want you to know that no matter what you’re going through—no matter how stressful, how crazy, how busy, how painful, how hopeless it seems—Jesus is REAL and he loves you! He’s waiting for you to let go of those things and trust him with all you’ve got! But the catch is you have to choose! Choose life, not death! Choose to not be angry! Fight the thoughts with the TRUTH, acknowledge the facts, of course, but fight it with the truth! Who do really believe Jesus to be? Is he just up there on high like an angry kid with a magnifying glass? Or is he loving and faithful? Here’s a thought, if you think he’s the first option, do you think there might be ways that you’ve chosen to hold on to anger in your situation instead of forgiveness? We often reflect our view of our parents onto God. If you had a difficult relationship with yours, then it would be easy to assume that God is judgmental and cruel or negative toward you. But I challenge you, regardless of your view of God, to really look into His word and not just read for what you’re supposed to DO, but rather read and focus on WHO HE IS! I promise you’ll discover a whole new side to God, the Father, Jesus, the Son, and the Holy Spirit! If you have ANY excuse not to read it—your translation is too difficult to understand, you don’t know where to start, or you don’t have one—email me at angie@angieewing.com or message me on facebook or myspace! We’ll help you get started! Be encouraged in this: you are LOVED! If Jesus can do it for me, he can do it for anyone! I’m praying for you! Blessings~ang